I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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