I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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