I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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