She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
