dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
