yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
