pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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