Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
