I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
