my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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