well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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