If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
