HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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