she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
