Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
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