This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
