Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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