mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
