Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we're making bets on your personal life
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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