you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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