A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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