I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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