He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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