Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
