I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
