I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
