And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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