okay pat passed out under dana's car
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
