I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
