i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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