I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
