dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
