You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
