Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize