Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize