Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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