Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
