his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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