I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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