i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Someone stole a lamp last night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize