Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
