dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
