i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize