Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I will die if light touches me.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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