Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Four minutes until I can fart!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
