Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Your tits are I can't wait for
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
