Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize