Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
