I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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