I just found puke in my bra..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize