Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
