She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize