woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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