Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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