Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
