Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
