never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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