Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
