It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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