Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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