thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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