She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
