his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
