already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
