You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
