I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
